Still lonely

Those I got so much closer to some friends this year, I still feel lonely.
Right now, it's more of a physical want.
I want to be near somebody, seems like anybody would be okay.

(hey, I just got a text from a buddy to go play squash. Right in the middle of typing this, I wonder if it's God?
Or maybe these friends always play at night, and this happens often.
But then why did it have to happen right when I was typing this post? And just because they play at night a lot, only raises the probability of the chance it happening again.)

But yeah, even giving people tours around the house made me a little happier.
And going to work.
Just being around people feels comfortable.

And I notice, to fill in some feelings of intimacy, I do masturbate.
It's a hard thing to overcome, I've been working on it for years.
Fortunately, acknowledging these feelings is another step.

- - - - -

I wonder is that similar to what other people feel?
Some people get lonely, and just stay in their room with unhealthy habits.
Or people finding sex as a fix.

I wonder how I should treat my girlfriend, especially when I want more and more intimacy from her.

But my life right now has difficult challenges already, no need to ponder about possible relationships.