I'm lonely

I'm feeling lonely.
Disgustingly lonely.

I decided against going to the dinner hosted by the church because of a reason that may seem silly.
There were limited seats so I didn't want to go if I took away a seating from a person who would benefit more than me.
It would not really be helpful of me since I would only really want to go there to eat.
And if that's all I really want to do, then going to volunteer would be kind of wrong right?
Volunteers automatically get a seat, but if I'm only volunteering to get a seat.... that's just not the point.

Now people are hanging out after the dinner, while I'm all by myself.
And at home overhearing a conversation between my housemate and her boyfriend over Skype.
And her negativity is not helping...
All her conversation lately have been quite emotional and hold some bitterness in them.
I talked to her so much last year, but now I feel like she's totally changed.
Which she has.... ever since she started dating this guy.
Now she talks to him every night.
She makes the effort sometimes to hangout, but she's never out of her room.

And she's also in her last year of university, probably having a lot of trouble when dealing with stress.
I'm just so tired and wanting a high.
Like I just want to get my 'drug' and get that adrenaline rush.

But at the same time, I'm thinking straight enough to know what I should be doing.
I should be giving up these feelings to God.
Know that He has things planned out for me in the future, and by doing something he HATES, isn't allowing him to show me His plan.
So I want to do my best to see it.

God, these are the things I'm feeling.
I'm lonely, and really just want to something to calm these feeling.
I'm thinking of some physical contact, I actually want a hug, but I can't see how anybody would be able to give me that kind of contact.
Talking.... I find that the people I usually talk to, they seem inattentive when I'm talking about something serious.
I'm a little scared.
What if these people I've grown to trust, are feeling tired of me?
Maybe I'm not interesting to them any more, and they don't care for any of the conversations I like having.
Should I ready myself to walk away from these friendships?
Like these relationships may just die of as they graduate.