Who am I (again)?

I first thought that I might reverted back to always being apathetic.
I think that rather than reverting, I have became a bitter person.
I know and admit that I want the relationship between that girl liked and her new boyfriend to go down the drain.
And those people who I once called close friends becoming distance, I immediately grew angry as they weren't there for me when I needed them the most.

My friends didn't want to mention about my school progress.
Strangers would pity me or give me flak.
Is it because of sexism, or is it because people have a certain impression of me?
Or is it because there are better questions to ask?
But why did nobody ask me "How I felt?"

Maybe it's because my feelings were very clear, and I could have totally snapped at them with "Well what do you think?"
But I never had the chance to vent my emotions... to a human.
I certainly vented them during prayer.
But maybe that is a large reason as to why I am bitter, I never got to release all these emotions properly.
And instead they just kept piling on and on.

- - - - -

And what about all those people that I was being a positive influence to?
Because people didn't want to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, I put on a mask and pretended to be somebody else.
I started blatantly lying about my school progress, and I only felt happy when I was around people who didn't know about it.

But I stopped communicating with people that were reaching out to me.
Selfishness.
Or was it? I needed time and proper support, and I felt like attending to their needs would burn myself out.
But anyhow, I hope that this is the last of the process of my depression.

Marco, please feel joy again.
(imagine yourself as using chakra and jutsus, that ought to cheer you up)