Maybe I can't do it

I thought that if I accepted the perspective of "acknowledge your failures, and just do your best", and things will be fine.

Maybe there are better perspectives. Such as 'understand your failures, and be confident about it'.

Cause I certainly do not understand everything about my failure in getting into the social work professional program. Doing my best, did not get me into next year.

And I may have overestimated my confidence.

I recognized my cowardice today when I was present at a gathering for Laurentian's Christian Fellowship. I braced myself for questions about this year. And was on guard for any looks they may give.

Man, I felt so heavy after seeing the reactions on people faces after hearing that I did not get into Social Work again.

Asks question.
M: I didn't get in this year again.
look

Asks question.
M: I still have 3 years left.
look

Again and again.

So much emotion, that maybe I decided to avoid the girl I am interested in. I'm scared of her asking me.
I don't want to see that look on her face.
Nor do I want to hear her saying comforting words.

I'm not confident.
I try hard to say "I fail to get into Social Work again."
But inside, all I am saying to myself is that "I am a failure".

- - - - -

So what do I do?
Well to start, I want to get new coping strategies.
I have a lot of free time this year. I am going to be productive, and work towards being someone I.... I dunno. Don't I just want to do the best I can?