Frustration and Disappointment

I did not get into 2nd year of Social Work. (professional year)
Again.

Let's recap my university life.
My first year was in General Science, on the path towards being a veterinarian. Decided to switch into Social Work after a encouraging conversation with my Sociology professor.
Did not do very well in my 2nd year, and was not applicable for the professional year.

So this year, I went to school as a part-time student and continued working at the bakery. I was applicable for professional year, but did not make the cut-off.

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So what were Marco's thoughts?
That I was learning to humble myself, and understand that not everyone can do things right the first time.
That I was a failure, but I could redeem myself with the upcoming year.
That thinking like this, meant that I thought of others (people in my same situation) as losers.

But I ignored those thoughts, and just tried my best to trust in God.
"If God wants me to get into professional year, all I can do is trust in Him."

And what am I feeling right now?

Well I don't know how to describe it better than the title of my post, but it involved walking home downcast.
When things were not going the way I wanted, I made funny noises.
And moments where I just shake my head and hold my hands against the wall, taking in deep breaths.

I'm waiting till tomorrow to make any big decisions.
I was thinking of my current relationship with this girl will just not work out. I am holding her back with my lack of progress in university.
And.... I guess that would the biggest decision on my mind right now.

If I forget about her, then I can feel okay doing things at a slower pace.

And yet I forget, that if this girl really wanted to be in a relationship with me, she would be willing to be with me whether or not if my education progress was slow.
The possibility that she can love me for who I am.... is still not really tangible for me right now.
But this is a moment where I can use, to let us know if we really want to be together.
Is she willing to struggle with me?

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Now I am just going to end my night with a nice cup of tea, and remember how much I used to blog.