Dear Paula

When I'm lonely, I don't know why these are always the first thoughts that come to my head.
-I want to cuddle with a big dog
-I want a hug

I had a dog when I was a kid, Paula was her name.
There were these winter nights when I went outside on our porch, sang to her, and cuddled with her for warmth.
I distrusted humans very much back then.
I felt like all humans were stupid, and wished that I weren't one.

And then Paul 'disappeared'.
I came home one day, and my parents told me that she ran away.
I never believed that.
And I still can't exactly.

But now I wonder, how did that affect me?
My source of comfort, disappearing.
Being told by the people I distrust, that it disappeared by itself.
Maybe it relates to how I seek comfort now?