Sit down and see

My fears were illogical. Like that man's fear of rejection.
I also have IBS? Irritable bowel syndrome.

Oh, but yeah! I figured out and recognized that my fears of emotion was irrational.
I mean, everybody fears that they will be saddened by bad news.
But I fear, that my sadness will consume me and rip me apart.
I felt like everyone would see me in my state of depression, and label me as someone who they need to be careful around.

But no.
Whether or not she rejects me, I can still continue on living.
Btw Marco, what did you want to focus on, IF you were in a relationship?
That was to get closer to God.

But right now, you are also worried about if she was going to support you in your life.
If she was going to always be there, when you need her.
And other stuff, that you need to put into God's hands.
Your happiness does not come from her, but should come from God.

- - - - -

Well, her and I are going to have a chat today.
I'm nervous, but especially anxious to hear what she has to say.
Honestly, I feel like she is going to explain to me how she doesn't feel like trying to have a guy-girl relationship with me, but it would be awesome to stay as friends.
And I'll be like, I am sadden to hear that, but I'm glad to hear what you want to say.
And we'll talk about things, and clear things up.

BUT, I shouldn't go into the date with those thoughts already.
Because one, depressing.
Two, maybe she wants to work on the relationship over long-distance.

Hohooomygosh. That is my hope, but no.... nonono.
If I think like that, then oh man, I'm going to be even more disappointed.
I'm just wanting to have a little hope, even I put 80% rejection, 18% try, 2% dating.
And obviously the rejection rate is higher because I rather over-anticipate, than to under-anticipate.

Omgomg, I just want to get this over with so we can talk normally again.
And maybe we won't, but I want to go back to the comfortable zone before I started thinking of her more than a friend.
Oookay man, let's do this.