Closure

Before going into the good news, I want to say this.
Lust is a big sin for me, and I always felt that God needed to punish me after I acted out on my lust.
I decided upon this (out of the blue), that everytime I acted out, that I would receive a day of bad luck afterward.

I found out later, that the Bible clearly states that God is not required to punish me (after Jesus died).
But even though I found that out, that thought of having a bad day kept being at the back of my mind.

Several hours ago, I had the most lovely, tingly, rewarding, civil conversation.
Even though.... I 'acted out' really badly the last night.
Thank you God.
Thank you.
Thank you for being who You are.

- - - - -

Closure.
This girl and I finally took the time to provide closure for each, providing understanding for each other.

After this conversation, I am expecting a much better relationship as now my thoughts are not overwhelmed with "wait, is what you saying mean that she likes me?"
Or other nonsense as such, haha. There was certain a lot of those thoughts filling up my mind.

But it was a lovely conversation that went over an hour.
And I am delighted with that fact that I can provide something important in her life.
I never noticed until she told me, that having upfront, honest, personal conversations was rare for her.
The fact that I decided to talk to her about it, made it apparent that I have something that I can give.

I always feel that I'm always taking away in a relationship.
But she made me realize how much easier it is to see what you take, than what you have given to others.

Oh, this girl is still amazing in my eyes.
But I know if I continue to think that, I may allow distracting thoughts to grow within me again.
I'll admit that I still want to be in a couple's relationship with her.
What to do, what to do....