More Anger

I've settled down from my peak of anger, but there's still a lot of frustration here.

"Hey Marco I don't like doing this over text but it would be a big help if you could dish soap and hand soap for us. P K and myself have gotten dish soap already and P and I have bought hand soap."

My first thoughts were about how I have given to this house.
-doing the garbage for 1.5 years, while nobody else except Beth seemed to give a hand
-doing other people's dishes when they left them piled up
-bought garbage bags, and green bin bags
-and most of all, keeping my anger and frustration away from them (and maybe I shouldn't have)

But yeah, there are so many thoughts like:
-why do they gossip and backstab people?
-why does E tell me that he is trying to stay single, but gets into relationships here and there?
-why does E accuse me of not doing my dishes, and then defends himself with "Well you didn't do your dishes before, therefore I am going to think that they are your dish." The hell?
-don't tell me everytime you help out in the house. Doing dishes, garbage, and cleaning the living room. Good job, now stop making it sound like it is such a big deal.

-and P tells me that he sleepwalks. And eats icecream while sleepwalking. Is that why my 2 tubs of icecream disappeared?
-and is it okay to throw my food out? Dude, if you want to go through my food, why don't you clean up that chicken that's been sitting upstairs for 3 months?

-and thanks K, for all those notes around the house. Instead of talking to me, you slam that door right in front of me.

I don't trust none of them, cause they makes stories about the honestest people I know.

And who has been using my laundry detergent? Somebody used it all and threw it out.

- - - -

Anger. Reckless anger.

I wanted to 'solve' this problem physically, cause punching E in the face can solve everything.

Calming down, what he said was true.
I have been letting them buy all the dish soap and hand soap.
And I haven't been doing my best to be a good housemate, but I've just pretty much given up on the house.
Hating the house doesn't make it okay to holing up in my room.

Viewing these housemates as low lives is separate from me helping the house.
And I tried seeing things from their perspective.
E is very defensive and I have seen his 2-faceness.
He knows that I hate that about him, and he doesn't think he is 2-faced.
But he may try to find that in me, (I think it's called 'displacement')

How does he see me?
-I have a good reputation in the Christian community, but he sees how messy my room is.
-Marco is hard to talk to, and always gives me these looks.
-Jared may have told me to be stern with Marco, and guide him to stuff.
-Marco is friends with my ex-girlfriend.

And looking at the 'I don't want to do this over text'....
He is probably lying, but there is a chance he isn't.
Like the possibility that the 3 of them have talked about it and stored up upset feelings for a while.
They all don't feel comfortable talking to me directly, cause the 3 of them LIVE WITH ME and still couldn't do it face-to-face.

Anyhow, I'm over 90% sure that he only said that because he didn't want to 'hurt my feelings'.
Whatever, I just have to accept that.
He says a lot of meaningless stuff.