Financial Troubles

So I didn't realize that being a part-time student requires me to start paying back my OSAP.
The reason behind how I did not know, was because I was lazy.
All my mail is sent back home in Markham, and my Mom scanned this letter to me.

The mail was about how I needed to start repaying my OSAP debt.
And I decided that because I applied for OSAP this year, that they may have just made a mistake.
Like, I'm asking for a loan because I need it. Yet you're asking me to pay you now?

But yeah, I'm going to the Financial Aid office tomorrow and sort things out.
And I just might have something extra to worry about now.
Along with my potential OSAP payments, I haven't paid my rent for a few months. (though they have been nice and haven't done anything)
I decided that last week to go to Urbana for Christmas, but that's almost $500.

I have now been put in a situation where I need to keep track of my bank account.
There may now be times where I cannot afford to spend money, and have the ability to find out what are my priorities.

But I'm thankful that I've learned to appreciate recreation, and that there are things worth the money.
Thankful that I've been brought where the use of credit cards are only for emergencies.
Thankful that I have God.

It's true that this week has been going quite well until this popped up in front of me, but hey, this incident is now a situation where I can apply what I've learned and developed.
And yo, last night was crazy.
I don't know why, but I kept remember some particularly bad moments in high school.
And I kept imagining how things could have been much more crazier, more dangerous, more violent.

And then I realized that in all my imagined scenarios, I was always the one that appears as right.
Everybody else was wrong, and I'm the only right one.
So I thought about it, and realized that I might be super afraid of being wrong.

I was surprised, yet I continued to have these imaginations uncontrollably.
I got to that point where I had to talk to God so that I had something else on my mind.
It felt wrong, because I saw myself as weak. So weak to thoughts like these.
But at the same time, I was able to make the decision to rely on God. And that was a legit moment man.

(oh yeah, I got from OSAP stuff to crazy thoughts because I was getting stressed out. A little confusing, I know.)