Moosh

I just sat in the front of the computer for 12 hours, playing Zelda: Oracle of Seasons.

I also walked outside to pay for my friend's parking ticket.
And I ate for a bit.

I did this all the time, but because I haven't for the past while, it makes me feel.... a little sickly.
Though I have regrets on badly spending my time, I had fun.
I was exploring Holodrum, the land where the seasons were in disarray.
I could run around with my boomerang, and uncover secret passages.
I enjoyed the danger of jumping over lava as the annoying beeps remind me that I am on my last heart.
And I could meet my animal companion, a big blue bear that capable to gliding across the screen.

I enjoy a well made game, especially the Zelda series because it has a pattern of letting me appreciate my newly obtained skills after each boss.
I could go back to the first area, and change the season to winter which allows me to walk over the frozen ice.
I can leap over chasms that were once in my way.
I don't know if my peers find these games as fun as I do, but it keeps me glued to it.

But what was the point?
And if I can make a point of putting half my day in this game, is it any good?

Cause I also enjoy the game, because it lets me imagine myself in a different world.
Where I can do things without regret, cause that's what saves are for.
And people are in awe of my power, something that they don't have.
I enjoy the fact that there is dialogue about what I am doing.

And then I look at the real world.
I am different.
Maybe that difference isn't 'super powers', but I have the ability to do things that some other people cannot.

And is there anybody encouraging me?
YES! I do have a group of people who see good in what I contribute to their lives.
There is recognition....
But I am scared to recognize that encouragement.

. . . .

Am I scared of encouragement?
Really.
What if: Because my Dad used encouragement as a way of making me do things, I have developed a reaction that brings up a wall. A wall that stops the encouragement, because I am scared of what happens when I feel happy.
And maybe I actually don't know what happens after encouragement.
Do other people feel motivated and driven to achieve more?
Do people grow up, and encouragement doesn't affect them as much?
What should I be feeling?

Well right now, I don't feel encouraged to do anything productive tomorrow.
I just go to work, and come home tired.
And when I am tired, I'll probably just go to my computer and waste my time.
And.... I can do something about it.
I can, but what is stopping me from saying 'I will'?