Serious Business

So I was going to go canoeing with my housemate, except the place actually didn't have that kind of service.
So we decided to walk along the lake, when we saw a good high place to look, we took at seat and just talked.

It was a good long chat, ones that I can only do when I am comfortable around that person.
Meaning that I had to get comfortable, by telling them the things that bother me about them.
Basically, I had trouble asking challenging questions to a person that is relying on God. Especially since this person has just been dumped by his girlfriend, right before their engagement.

Anyway, he was comfortable with me asking questions. Because he believes that challenging questions, are able to strengthen his faith, and makes use of whatever he knows.
So I asked about meaning, what if there is no such thing as meaning, and it is only created by humans since we WANT to believe that their life has a purpose.
He mentioned that if humans seek meaning in the world, then it is meaningless. It is the same a pair of goldfish, giving meaning to their existence in a fishbowl. They may see that pebble, as their battleground for the first food pellet from the sky. They may see the food pellet something miraculously falling out of the sky, and therefore build a temple for it. But the owner is actually just a little kid, who just picked up some pebbles from his backyard for the fishbowl. He's been feeding them food whenever needed, having thousands of the exact same pellet. And he does this, because he loves fish. And he wants them to grow, and maybe love him back.

There was also the idea that I am looking for a person to fully accept me.
He asked me that, and I was like "Yes, but doesn't everybody want that?"
He replied with "Yes, except a lot of people just to receive it."
Meaning that some people just want to receive unconditional love, while some people are seeking true love where there is acceptance of all the good sides, bad sides, ugly sides, hidden sides, and try to help each other with it.

And that was also related to how he figured that I have a bad relationship with my Dad.
Cause you know, children who did not receive love from their father will forever be trying to look for acceptance.
I never really thought about it.

And a self-reflection for myself.
I have many things going for me, yet at the same time, these things are holding me back.
I have a safe house to live in, good financial standing, ability to eat more food than necessary, friends.... Do I need to have things, or maybe everything taken away from me to be able to see that I actually need God?
Cause then, I'd rather not.
I want to keep everything, and have God along with it. Of course I'm not gonna want God to take things away.
But do I need that to happen.
The bible says that nobody likes discipline at the moment, only to appreciate it afterwards.
Really. Cause I'm just shaking my head at the idea of losing something.

- - - - -

And I forgot to talk about stuff about "Humans needing hope".
And how I don't want to hope, because if what I hope in doesn't come true and bite me from behind, then that's can be devastating.