No more gravity

I got to have a night where I was undergoing a lot of emotions, and just ranted in the living room to 4 of my housemates. For 2 hours.

I also get to receive a ride back and forth from Sudbury and Markham, and have conversations with 2 great conversationalists.

I get to have a room to myself, where I can turn up the heater and music, and just drown in it as I continuously pull all-nighters.

I get all my food made for me back at home, and forget all my responsibilities. My wants come first.

I don't like going back to home, and want to stay in Sudbury because there is only 2 years of my history there.

I don't want to come home and see reality.

I get to see that I'm not a sociopath, but rather a honest and critical person that is more aware of his own thoughts than other people.

I also get acknowledged, described as the happy medium within the Alder house.

I have never been robbed, held at gunpoint, jumped, ganged up on physically, forced to do illegal things.

I have people occasionally treat me to food.

I am living right now.

I feel safe.

I have friends.

I have a functioning body.

I have a computer.

I have, a crazy good life.

I try to accept that this has been my life, and it makes me feel guilty.

When I think about God, I am confused.

Are these beliefs, what God wants me to believe, or is it me that wants to believe?

- - - - -

My life has been filled with much more things than I had thought before going to university.

And I feel like I am surrounded with change.

Becoming a Christian.

I decided to take a step of faith, to have faith that Christianity is truth.

But what about having a personal relationship with God?

Where is that in my life?

Predicting a person, and preparing my emotions before I interact with them.

Is that necessary, and what makes me do that?

Can't I just talk to people and get to know them?

I see myself better than people, and need to become better.

And I tell logically convince myself that it's not necessary, yet in the back of my mind there is a voice saying that I should go with my wants.

There seems to be no gravity holding me to my ground.