Not cool man, not cool.

My mind was in a hissy-fit yesterday.

I really wanted to smash that person's face in.

I mean, it's indoor soccer at a church gym.

Is it really necessary to body check me, punt the ball at people, kick people's legs when you can't get the ball, or scream and charge at people with the ball?

I hurt people easily okay?

I have to concentrate and put so much extra energy into watching out for other people, and getting my legs kicked from behind till my legs aren't listening to me, does not help.

Nor does going behind me, and kneeing me, right up my asshole.

I really, really wanted to turn around and just fucking smash his face.

Are you serious? Really? REALLY?

I didn't do anything of course, I mean this guy probably doesn't do a lot of sports so it's not totally his fault.

And it's not his fault that half the players see him as really a nice guy, so when he kicks the ball in a guy's face, nobody says anything.

And honestly, it could have been a lot worse.

Nothing's going to be perfect in the world, so just see this as a down, and don't forget to appreciate the highs.

Though that didn't help when I had a bad dream last night, where I was a TA in elementary school and I got stabbed with a pencil. Whatever seriously.

Just bad things happening like my friend forgot to pick me up from church, so I had to wait another hour before getting home. And he didn't reply to his text, so (I guessed right that he forgot about me) I got more agitated.

And then sleeping for 10 hours DID NOT help.

Because I find that when I sleep more than 8 hours, I get super energized.

I then like doing things that's high energy paced, and knowing me, I like being in a state outside of my normal mind.

Meaning I played fast-paced games for 10 hours today, and the whole time, my mind was numb.

I didn't have to think, just let my body react to the game.

I didn't feel anything, no more mad feelings.

All I needed was my laptop, me, and food.

Wasting so much time, I am totally off schedule, and missed doing a lot of things.

No verbal talking to my roommates today, at all. (texted some of them)

Am going to go to bed late.

I failed at finishing 1 of my 3 assignments, that's due very soon.

I am angry.

I feel like I really do have a degree of ADD, and I feel like I've not been diagnosed because it's not affecting my life enough to be labeled.

I just want to go back to my game and block out everything.

That's why I know that if I ever start drugs, smoking, or binge-drinking, (the typical stuff), I will freaking get addicted.

I'm just.... don't want to think.

I pray to God, but how can I talk to him when I don't give a fuck about what he says right now?

All I want is this feeling to go away, and everything to perfect.

I'm not even worried about being lonely, I'm not feeling lonely yet.

I don't think this post makes sense, heck I'm guessing that I won't understand what I am writing when I read it tomorrow.

Ugh.....