Hollow Bastion

How about being like Yoh from Shaman King?

So laid back, no worries about what he can't control.

I could be like that!

To not worry about all the 'what ifs'!

A way of playing mahjong or poker and not get frustrated with bad draws.

Just do your best with whatever you got.

BUT, does that mean I can just let myself forget whatever I want?

No.... you should still reflect on what has happened.

Or else your maturity's development will be stunted.

But when I think about my future....

I see only loneliness.

Really? Is that what I worry about?

Or have I just noticed this worry?

No matter, the thought consumed me last night.

Withering in my bed, the only answer I could come up with was:

Wait for the inevitable.

I could have worded it differently.

Like 'I have no control over the future, so just go on with life'.

But no, waiting for the inevitable was my answer.

I even came up with countless scenarios of how my friendships were going break off.

Well, this might be because I was hurt from.... ex-friends?

I don't know what to call them anymore.

But recently I came to a conclusion.

Maybe it is the right decision for them to avoid me.

I say that because maybe they think I like them? It distracts them and puts them under stress to make sure our friendship doesn't get mistaken as something else.

I've tried to work it out.... and was about to use any means to fix it up before I leave for school next week.

Maybe fortunate, maybe unfortunately.... I decided to give it a chance to work out by itself.

It is not at the breaking point where I thought about never talk (other than "How are you doing?") to them again.

I still have these thoughts on adopting a hermit's personality.

But hiding under a shell is so oppressive.

I have no idea.

No idea anymore.